Mutant Mash
by ColdFusion180
Summary: Another wild night filled with madness, explosions and assorted cracked nuts.


**Mutant Mash**

"That was a most enjoyable outing," Xavier commented.

"I would say so," Ororo agreed sitting next to him while piloting the Velocity. "The students really enjoyed their visit to Niagara Falls."

"They certainly did," Xavier glanced back at the New Mutants dozing in their seats. "I must admit I am glad they talked us in to staying to see the illuminations and fireworks, although it does mean we will arrive back at the mansion just after midnight."

"We should call Hank and Logan to let them know when to expect us," Ororo said.

"Good idea," Xavier nodded and activated the video phone. He waited a minute. "Strange. No one is answering."

"I'm not reading any large storms or interference on the radar," Ororo reported. "Is the unit transmitting?"

"Yes," Xavier confirmed. "Perhaps they have all gone to sleep..." Suddenly, the video phone snapped to life.

"Charles! Thank the Bard it's you!" A very disheveled image of Hank appeared on screen. His fur was scorched in several places. "Please tell me you're about to land!"

"No, I am afraid we are not," Xavier frowned in confusion. "Is anything the matter?"

"What **isn't** the matter around here?" Hank moaned as the background visually shook. "You'd better hurry back while there is still a mansion left!"

"What is going on?" Ororo asked worriedly. "Are the students alright?"

"Tell us what is happening," Xavier pressed.

"Well, you see," Hank winced and braced himself. "_I was working in the lab late this night. When I heard the sounds of an all-out fight_."

"Oh my," Ororo blinked.

"_I raced up the stairs, threw open the door,_" Hank continued. "_And verily, to my horror..._"

CRASH!

"_It was the 'lytes!_" A familiar flame loving figure laughed in the background.

"The what?" Xavier asked in confusion.

_"It was the Acolytes!_" Hank clarified as Pyro skipped into view behind him.

"_The Acolytes!_" Pyro giggled while setting some furniture on fire.

"_They were a chilling sight!_" Hank moaned.

"Oh dear," Xavier sighed as several couches burst into flames.

"_It was the 'lytes!_" Gambit appeared tucking a pair of candlesticks into his trench coat.

"_They tore right through our sights!_" Hank pointed outside at the destroyed defense systems.

"Not again," Ororo groaned.

"_It was the 'lytes!_" Pyro was heard cackling as a fire dragon appeared chasing a very harried-looking Scott.

"GAAAHHHHHH!" Scott screamed while desperately trying to avoid being roasted alive.

"_It was the Acolytes!_" Hank moaned.

"I see," Xavier felt a massive headache coming on.

"_They rent all asunder down the length of the hall,_" Hank continued as a series of explosions rocked the image. "_Sabertooth and Logan broke out into a brawl!_"

"DIE! DIE! DIE!" The two feral mutants rolled by while attempting to strangle each other.

"Of course," Ororo winced as the pair tore apart the piano.

"_When Jean and Kurt tried to break up their tuff_,_" _Hank said. _"They were both engulfed in marshmallow fluff!_"

"AAAHHHHHH!" Jean and Kurt staggered by looking like diseased snowmen while leaving a trail of sticky marshmallow blobs in their wake. "IT'S IN MY HAIR!"

"AND MY FUR!" Kurt yelped. "But I have to admit it is kinda tasty."

"_Thanks to the 'lytes!_" Remy smirked at the two messy X-Men.

"_Thanks to the Acolytes!_" Hank groaned.

"Great," Xavier sighed. "And we just had the carpets cleaned."

"_The Acolytes!_" Pyro skipped by cheerfully while Rogue chased after him with a fire extinguisher.

"GET BACK HERE YOU FLAME-BRAINED MANIAC!" Rogue yelled.

"_They're a chaotic blight!_" Hank moaned at the madness.

"No kidding," Ororo sighed.

"_It was the 'lytes!_" More sounds of fire and destruction came over the speakers.

"_They're zany to new heights!_" Hank winced as silly string flew through the air.

"_The Acolytes!_" Said mutants shouted proudly.

"_It was the Acolytes!_" Hank moaned.

"AUUUGGGHHHHHH!" Scott was heard screaming off screen.

"_All sanity they ignore!_" Hank whimpered as fires raged in the background. "_The dining room is no more!_"

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Remy cackled with his trench coat stuffed with sterling silver flatware.

"I knew I should have kept that set in storage," Xavier sighed.

BOOM!

"_A yacht's stuck to our ceiling,_" Hank indicated the boat suspended above him. "_Shaving cream coats the floor!_"

"YAAAHHHHHH!" Jean and Kurt ran by while being chased by a very hungry scurry of chipmunks. "GET THEM AWAY FROM ME! OW! OW! OW!"

"Oh no," Xavier groaned at the sight.

"_Peace and quiet are nowhere to be found_!" Hank wailed in despair as several lights flickered before exploding. "_Pyro's set on burning the whole place to the ground! The basement's flooded! The foyer is a mess! And I am about to snap from the stress!_"

"I don't blame him," Ororo moaned.

"_Caused by the 'lytes!_" Pyro giggled leading a chorus line of flaming manatees.

"_Caused by the Acolytes!_" Hank wept.

CRASH!

SMASH!

BOOM!

"_The Acolytes!_" Remy chanted while triumphantly holding a bundle of blankets above his head.

"GIVE US BACK OUR BEDSHEETS YOU SICKO!" Kitty and Rogue chased after him with murder in their eyes.

"_They multiply our plights!_" Hank moaned.

"_All from the 'lytes!'_' Pyro casually set fire to the chandelier.

"_They're what chaos invites!_" Hank groaned.

"_The Acolytes!_" Remy grinned holding up a pair of Scott's shades.

"RRRAAARRRRRR!" Sabertooth and Logan rolled by destroying everything they came into contact with.

"_Those crazy Acolytes!_" Hank moaned.

"Magneto really needs to exert some control over his charges," Xavier sighed.

"No, you think?" Ororo gave him a look.

Hank winced as another round of explosions rocked the mansion. "_Out of the chaos Scott's voice did scream! Like one trapped inside a nightmare dream! Threw back his head and took a knee, and yelled..._"

"SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM ALL THIS INSANITY!" Scott shrieked in frustration.

PLOOOOOOSSSHHHHHH!

"_Caused by the 'lytes!_" Pyro laughed dumping a bucket of vinegar on Scott's head.

"AAAGGGHHHHHH!" Scott wailed in fury.

"_Caused by the Acolytes!_" Hank ducked as Scott began to wildly shoot optic blasts in an attempt to hit Pyro.

KA-BOOM! KA-BOOM! KA-BOOM!

"_The Acolytes!_" Pyro sang while merrily skipping around Scott.

"_Their presence incites!_" Hank moaned.

"That's going to cost a bit to fix," Xavier winced as Scott missed Pyro and proceeded to blow up several walls.

"_It was the 'lytes!_" Pyro giggled as one of Scott's blasts missed him and hit Jean instead.

"AAAHHHHHH!" Jean howled.

"_They defy all our might!_" Hank groaned.

"_The Acolytes!_" Remy grinned sneaking behind Scott before tying him up with duct tape.

"HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON?" Scott yelped as Remy eagerly dragged him away. "HELP!"

"_It was the Acolytes!_" Hank sighed.

"Oh dear," Ororo winced at what was coming next.

"_Now our nerves are frayed and they've zapped all our wills!_" Hank twitched as the mansion fell to pieces about him. "_And I'm about to break and make a run for the hills! My thoughts are scrambled! My brain is all numb! Charles there're just some mutants we should **stay away from**!_"

"_Such as the 'lytes!_" Sabertooth roared throwing Logan through the French doors.

CRASH!

"_Such as the Acolytes!_" Hank wept.

"_The Acolytes!_" Pyro laughed maniacally while tending a huge blaze.

"_They cause all to ignite_!" Hank whimpered.

"MMMPPPHHHHHH!" Scott struggled as he hung from the ceiling while gagged and wearing a dress.

"_We are the 'lytes!_" Remy smirked patting the bulging pockets of his trench coat.

"WHERE IS THAT LOW-DOWN CAJUN THIEF?!" Rogue was heard yelling in fury. "I'LL KILL HIM! I'LL KILL HIM!"

"_With madness they unite!_" Hank moaned.

"_The Acolytes!_" All the non X-Men shouted happily.

"_They are the Acolytes!_" Hank whimpered and sunk to the floor in despair.

"Oooh, fire good!" Pyro chirped somewhere off screen.

"COME BACK PYRO! YOU IMPETUOUS MANIAC!" Hank yelled and quickly ran out of sight. "NO! NOT THE STOVE!"

"Fire good!" Pyro cackled insanely right before the entire mansion was engulfed in flames.

FA-WHOOOOOOSSSHHHHHH!

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Hank screamed as the screen flickered and abruptly went dead.

Xavier and Ororo stared in silence for a moment. "And I thought the fireworks at Niagara Falls were extensive," Xavier eventually managed to get out.

"You know, I could encounter some technical difficulties," Ororo suggested. "Extend the time necessary to get back to the mansion by an additional hour at least."

"No, that will not be appropriate," Xavier sighed in resignation. "Better make it three."

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the song "Monster Mash".**


End file.
